After the kids are asleep, even a quiet cuddle on the couch can help parents reconnect.

Being a parent is a 24/7 job, and it’s easy for your relationship with your partner to take a backseat to diapers, homework, and endless to-do lists. Many parents find themselves collapsing into bed each night with hardly a moment left for each other. In fact, research by the Gottman Institute found that almost two-thirds of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction in the three years after having a baby . It’s a common challenge – you love your kids and pour so much into parenting, but that often means less energy and time for date nights, deep conversations, or simple quality time as a couple. The good news is that this is normal, and with a few mindful changes, you can carve out time to nurture your partnership without shortchanging your family. In this post, we’ll explore why prioritizing your relationship matters and share 10 practical, research-backed tips for finding time together, even in the beautiful chaos of parenting.

Why Prioritizing Your Relationship Matters

 When you’re busy raising children, it might feel “selfish” to take time away from the kids for your relationship. In reality, investing in your partnership is one of the best things you can do for your entire family. A strong, healthy relationship between parents creates a loving, secure home for everyone. Studies show that being happily married or in a stable, committed relationship is associated with lower stress and less depression for the adults . In other words, making time for each other isn’t indulgent – it supports your mental health and resilience as parents.

Moreover, couples who actively nurture their relationship tend to communicate better and handle parenting challenges as a team. You’re more likely to solve problems cooperatively when you feel connected and supported by your partner. Regular couple time can also rekindle the friendship and romance that brought you together in the first place, strengthening your bond. Research even suggests that couples who set aside dedicated “us time” each week enjoy higher relationship quality and even lower odds of divorce . By prioritizing each other, you’re essentially “parenting” your relationship and keeping it strong. And as we’ll discuss later, a loving partnership between parents has a positive ripple effect on the kids. In short, taking care of your relationship is taking care of your family.

10 Practical Tips for Finding Time Together

Finding time as parents may require a bit of planning and creativity, but it is possible. Here are ten actionable tips to help you and your partner maintain a strong connection, backed by general research and expert insights:

1. Schedule Regular Date Nights –  A couple enjoying a date night together. Couples who set aside dedicated one-on-one time, even just once a month or biweekly, reap big benefits. It could be dinner out, catching a movie, or any activity you both enjoy. Research shows that couples who have a weekly date night are more likely to report happier relationships and greater commitment (and are less likely to split up) . If finding a babysitter is tough, consider a date night at home (a special dessert and a movie after the kids sleep counts!). The key is to put it on the calendar and treat it as a real appointment. This gives you both something to look forward to and ensures that “couple time” doesn’t get perpetually postponed by other responsibilities.

2. Take 15 Minutes a Day to Connect – In the throes of parenting, long heart-to-hearts can be rare. But even a short daily check-in can work wonders. Set aside 15 minutes each day, perhaps after dinner or once the kids are in bed, to talk without distractions. Use this time to ask about each other’s day, share how you’re feeling, or just chat about that new show you’re into. The consistency is more important than the duration – it reinforces that your relationship matters every single day. Research has found that spending time together talking is linked to greater closeness and relationship satisfaction . So pour two cups of tea or take a quick walk around the block together. These little daily touch-points keep you emotionally in sync as a couple.

3. Unplug and Be Present with Each Other – After a long day, it’s tempting to scroll through your phone or zone out in front of the TV. But quality time requires being truly present. Make it a habit to create tech-free moments when you’re together. For example, you might agree that after 9 PM, phones are put away, or declare the dinner table a no-screen zone for everyone. It’s hard to connect deeply if one or both of you is continually texting, checking emails, or chasing social media updates. In fact, research shows that when cell phones interrupt face-to-face interactions, conversations become less meaningful and partners feel less connected . By setting some boundaries with devices, you’ll ensure that the limited time you do have together is quality time. Eye contact, active listening, and even comfortable silence are so much easier when the screens are off. You’ll be surprised how much more relaxed and engaged you feel with each other after a tech-free half hour.

4. Set Boundaries with Work – In today’s always-on work culture, work tasks can easily bleed into family time. Whenever possible, protect some time in your schedule for your partner and family. This might mean not answering non-urgent work calls during dinner or trying to leave work on time a certain evening each week to be home for a shared activity. If you work from home, step away from the home office at a reasonable hour. Of course, not everyone has complete control over their work hours, but even small boundaries help – like deciding not to check work email for an hour when the kids get home from school so you and your partner can tag-team family time (and maybe catch up yourselves). Setting these limits guards against work creeping into every moment. It sends the message to your partner (and yourself) that your relationship is a top priority. By being intentional about work-life balance, you’ll have more mental energy and availability to connect with your spouse when it counts.

5. Share the Parenting and Household Load – One big reason couples struggle to find time together is that they’re plain exhausted from juggling chores, childcare, and everything else. Sharing those responsibilities more evenly can free up time and reduce fatigue for both partners. Sit down and discuss your weekly routines: How can you tag-team tasks so you get more done and maybe finish a bit earlier in the evening? For example, if one cooks dinner, the other can help the kids with homework; you can tackle kitchen cleanup together (chatting while you wash dishes can double as couple time). On weekends, maybe trade off who gets up early with the kids so the other can sleep in a bit. When both partners feel supported and not carrying an unfair burden, it’s easier to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Plus, doing chores side-by-side – gardening, folding laundry, grocery shopping as a team – can turn routine tasks into an opportunity to connect. You might find you actually enjoy washing the car or cooking when you’re doing it together as a little team.

6. Express Affection in Small Ways Daily – Don’t underestimate the power of small daily gestures. A quick hug before heading off to work, a loving text in the middle of the day, holding hands on the couch, or saying “thank you for all you do” can all nurture your bond. These simple actions are like deposits in your relationship “bank account.” They build up positive feelings over time. Research suggests that small, thoughtful gestures help promote stability in relationships by showing your partner they’re valued, which reduces uncertainty and strengthens your connection . So even on days when romance is the last thing on your mind (hello, toddler tantrums and teen drama), find little ways to show “I care about you.” Kiss good morning, snuggle for five minutes while the coffee brews, or leave a sticky note of encouragement on the bathroom mirror. Consistent affection and appreciation make it easier to weather the stressful moments as a couple because you both feel loved.

7. Keep the Romance Alive (Yes, Schedule Intimacy!) – Physical closeness is an important part of staying connected, too. With kids around, spontaneity might fly out the window – but you can still prioritize intimacy with a bit of planning (and a sense of humor!). It may feel unsexy to put “couple time” or intimacy on the schedule, but a cozy night in after the kids’ bedtime can be really meaningful. Light some candles, put on music, give each other a back rub – even if it doesn’t lead to sex every time, you are dedicating time to be physically close and emotionally intimate. Maintaining a sexual connection if you’re both comfortable with it is healthy for your relationship; studies have long shown that couples who remain sexually and romantically engaged tend to report higher relationship satisfaction . But it’s not just about sex – cuddling, kissing, and physical affection release oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) and help reduce stress. So if your old date nights used to end with romance, try not to let that fade completely. Maybe you can’t have a weekend getaway or an elaborate anniversary evening every year, but you can steal an hour for a glass of wine and slow dancing in the living room. Keep flirting with each other. Feeling attractive and desired by your partner boosts confidence and closeness on both sides.

8. Lean on Your Support Network – Remember the saying “it takes a village”? Well, your relationship can benefit from the village too. Don’t be afraid to ask for help to free up couple time. Can the grandparents watch the baby for an afternoon so you two can have lunch out? Could you swap playdate or babysitting favors with a friend – they take your kids one Saturday, you take theirs the next – giving each couple some kid-free time? Most fellow parents understand how precious and rare date time can be, and many are happy to help (especially if you return the favor). If childcare resources are limited, even arranging for the kids to have a virtual playdate or a special movie time in another room can buy you 30 minutes of semi-uninterrupted conversation. The point is, you don’t have to do it all alone. Using your support system for a break now and then isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a savvy strategy to keep your marriage strong. Plus, your kids benefit from bonding with other safe adults during those times. Whether it’s family, close friends, or a trusted sitter, tapping into help for an evening or weekend afternoon can recharge you as a couple.

9. Get Creative with At-Home “Dates” – When going out isn’t feasible, make the most of evenings at home. The goal is to break out of the routine and do something fun or special together beyond just binge-watching Netflix (though some Netflix and chill is fine too!). You could cook a new recipe together once the kids are asleep, have a carpet picnic in the living room, or play a board game or trivia night just the two of you. Turn off the usual weeknight TV and put on some music you both love. You might even dress up a little as if you were going out – it sounds silly, but it can set a different mood! The idea is to treat it like a real date: no talk about bills or whose turn it is to pack lunches, focus on enjoying each other’s company. For example, you could theme your at-home date: an Italian night with pasta, wine, and Italian music, or a spa night giving each other face masks and foot massages. These home dates cost little or nothing, but they can be really intimate and fun. By carving out these playful moments, you reinforce that being together is something to celebrate, not just another part of the daily grind.

10. Communicate and Plan as a Team – Good communication is the glue that holds everything together. Be open with your partner about needing together time and listen to their needs as well. Sometimes one partner may feel more disconnected and has to speak up – try to discuss it before it turns into resentment. Make it a habit to check in about your relationship: “How are we doing?” If you’re feeling distant, lovingly let your spouse know and brainstorm solutions together. When couples communicate openly and are responsive to each other, they experience less stress and greater resilience during tough times . On a practical level, plan your weeks as a duo. For instance, on Sunday night you might look at the calendar together and intentionally slot in a couple activity (even if it’s just ‘chat on porch Wednesday night’). Coordinate schedules and help each other out so that both of you get some breathing room for the relationship. Also, respect each other’s limits – if one of you is utterly exhausted one day, maybe postpone that serious talk or romantic activity to a better time. Effective communication—expressing appreciation, concerns, and yes, scheduling needs—ensures you stay on the same page. Remember, you’re not adversaries trying to steal time from each other; you’re partners in making time for the marriage. Approach it as a team effort and celebrate the little wins (“Hey, we managed two coffee dates this month, go us!”).

The Ripple Effect on Family Life

When parents share a loving bond, children feel more secure and happy – the whole family thrives.

 Prioritizing your relationship isn’t just good for you as a couple; it has a powerful positive impact on your children and overall family harmony. Kids are incredibly perceptive – they pick up on the emotional tone in the household. When they see affection, respect, and teamwork between Mom and Dad (or any parental figures), it gives them a deep sense of security. A strong partnership models what a healthy, loving relationship looks like, teaching by example. Research has found that supporting the couple’s relationship can enhance children’s well-being and even reduce emotional and behavioral problems in kids . In a warm environment where parents genuinely like and love each other, children are more likely to flourish. They tend to have higher self-esteem and feel more comfortable coming to their parents with problems, because they trust the family foundation is solid.

 Conversely, when parents are constantly stressed, fighting, or emotionally distant, children can sense that tension and may feel anxious or act out. Studies indicate that high levels of unresolved conflict between parents can increase kids’ anxiety and negatively affect their self-esteem . No parent is perfect – we all argue at times – but strengthening your bond can help you handle disagreements in healthier ways. That means less yelling or cold silence at home, and more constructive problem-solving. The result? A calmer, more predictable environment for the little ones. Kids thrive on stability. Knowing that their parents are a united front and care about each other gives them confidence that the world is a safe place. It also frees up mental energy; instead of worrying about mom and dad, they can focus on being kids. 

In short, a happy couple often means a happier family. When you and your partner are connected, you’re likely to be more patient and engaged parents. You can support each other in the tough moments (“tag, you’re it – I need a break!”) and present a consistent set of expectations to the children. Family life just runs more smoothly. So next time you feel guilty for scheduling that date or taking a walk together while the kids stay with a sitter, remember: you’re not taking something away from your children. You’re giving them a gift — the gift of parents who are in love and in it together., 

Conclusion

 Balancing your role as parents with your role as partners is an ongoing dance, and it’s normal to stumble now and then. The important thing is making the intentional choice to keep your relationship a priority. Think of it as nurturing the root system of your family tree – when your partnership is strong, the whole family is more likely to thrive. You don’t need grand gestures or unlimited free time to reconnect. As we’ve discussed, even small changes like a weekly coffee date, a daily heartfelt “How was your day?”, or turning off the TV to talk can spark real improvements.

 Pick one or two tips from this list and give them a try in the coming weeks. You might start by penciling in a date night for next month, or instituting a no-phones-after-8pm rule a couple nights a week. Approach it with a spirit of teamwork and adventure – this is a journey you’re on together. Over time, these little habits become treasured rituals that keep the romance alive and the friendship strong. Remember that you and your partner fell in love before life got so hectic; that spark is still there and can always be reignited with a bit of care.

Finally, be patient and kind to yourselves. Every stage of parenting brings new challenges to finding couple time (the newborn phase is different from the teen years chaos!), so keep communicating and adjusting along the way. Celebrate the effort you’re putting in. By focusing on your relationship, you’re not only strengthening your bond as a couple – you’re creating a loving, stable home for your children. A few small steps today can lead to a happier partnership and a healthier family tomorrow. So go ahead – text your partner and tell them you can’t wait for that next date night, and start making it happen! You’ve got this.